Much of the disharmony in relationship can be attributed to the belief in objectivity—that is, belief in the notion that we experience other people the way they really are. As we’ve seen, the belief in objectivity tends to arise right along with the belief in being a separate individual. Through my own separate me, I see separate others. Once you’ve made this division in your mind, there’s a tendency for you to believe that you, the subject, can see other people and objects exactly as they are. And in that tendency there’s a kind of mental sleepiness, a blindness to the fact that every time you see anything, what you’re actually doing is thinking. You fail to see that you’re looking through a filter of thought.
When you believe in objectivity, you have difficulty seeing that your words, pictures, and energies paint others in a way that is unique to you. Your words, pictures, and energies make up your entire view of reality. Your views of other people are shaped by your memories, your personal history, your culture, your worldview, and your psychological and emotional traits along with various other influences. You don’t see others the way they are. You see them the way you are. The painter is inseparable from the painting.